Wishes Never Do Come True
by Frozenflower
Summary: Majin Buu had been defeated, and everyone has returned to life. They're not all unaffected, however. Goten is thrown into a terrible depression, and no one seems to notice. He feels alone, rejected, a failure. Can such a sweet child know despair?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer—I just checked with the copyright office, and discovered a fascinating, yet disturbing fact.  I don't own DBZ!  Isn't that shocking?!  I may have to go into therapy just to get over the trauma.

A/N—Hey, it's sad, I'm warning you.  It also contains spoilers from the Buu Saga.  Don't read past this point if you don't want spoilers!

-----SPOILER ALERT!-----

Ok, if you don't know, Chi-Chi, Goten, Trunks, everyone on the whole planet except for Dende, Mr. Satan and the puppy, end up getting killed by Majin Buu.  Chi-Chi was turned into an egg and crushed right before Goten's eyes.  Goten, Trunks and Gohan are eventually absorbed and later killed by Buu.  Vegeta and Goku finally manage to defeat Buu, and _everyone _including Vegeta and Goku come back to life.  This story takes place two weeks after the defeat of Majin Buu.  The earth has returned to peace. (And I haven't seen the whole saga myself, so forgive any inaccuracies!)

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Wishes Never Do Come True

By: Frozenflower

Goten was always the happy one: bright, innocent, and cheerful, with a sunny disposition that couldn't be suppressed.  That had all ended two weeks ago.  Something had twisted within the boy when he had learned that his beloved brother Gohan was dead, slaughtered at the hands of Majin Buu.  

It had knotted and torn when his newly found father, Goku had returned to Otherworld, and the final remaining shred of his youthful innocence had shattered when he had witnessed Buu crush his mother before his eyes.  The old Goten was gone, and a brooding, worried little soul had replaced him.  But no one seemed to notice.

Granted, they were busy.  Goku and Chi-Chi were occupied with getting reacquainted after such a long separation, and Gohan, who was absolutely ecstatic to have his father back, was kept busy with that, and the new and rather embarrassing attentions of Videl.

Trunks noticed the difference in his friend, but Trunks had always been somewhat more mature that Goten and heralded it as a positive change that the boy no longer chased after lizards and played with the dinosaurs.  Besides, he was too wrapped up with making sure that his newly-returned and strangely more attentive father didn't go and die on him again.  Trunks worried about that.  

At first it hadn't bothered Goten that everyone was busy.  All he wanted was to be left alone with his thoughts.  Slowly though, his mind had returned to dwell on the fact that no one seemed to notice; no one seemed to care.  

The emotions that he was experiencing were strange to Goten.  He had never felt such things before.  Had he asked someone what these feelings were, he might have been told they were jealousy or perhaps resentment.  Goten would have scratched his head in confusion, but would have agreed when they were explained them to him.

Jealousy.  He was jealous of Gohan and the attention his brother got from their father.  He barely knew the man, and with Goku and Gohan so caught up in reliving old memories, restoring their bond, Goten was unintentionally forgotten.  His child's heart ached with confusion as to why his brother and his daddy didn't seem to want him around.

Resentment.  Resentment towards the father that hadn't been there for him.  Why hadn't he been there?  Gohan had told him that Goku hadn't _wanted_ to come back.  Why was that?  Didn't he want to get to know him?  Was Goten the reason that his daddy had stayed dead for all those years?   

Jealousy.  Trunks had a father, and Goten didn't, even now.  Goku was too caught up with other things to reach out to the shy son he barely knew.  Even if Vegeta yelled sometimes, he'd always been there for Trunks.  Sometimes, Goten wished with all his heart that Goku would yell at him like that.  Anything but the absent silence he now received.

Resentment.  His father hadn't been able to save them.  To save Gohan, and his mother, and….him.  Why did he and Trunks have to do it?  Wasn't that a grown-up's job?  Why did _Goten_ have to fight.  All he wanted to do was have fun, and chase frogs and stuff: he didn't want to be a hero.  He hadn't wanted to try to save everyone….to fail.

Anger.  Why couldn't his father love him as much as he loved Gohan?  Was it because he'd…failed?  Because he hadn't beaten Majin Buu when his daddy had said he was supposed to?  Goten's fearfully twisting heart whispered yes.  This was the reason.  His daddy didn't love him because he was a failure…

Goten drooped despondently on the shore of a small lake, tossing stray pebbles into the placid water.  Why did he feel like this?  It was like everyone had someone except for him.  He used to have Gohan, but ever since their dad came back, Gohan wasn't around to answer his questions anymore.  Besides, Gohan had Videl.  He'd lost his mom to his dad, and Trunks spent every waking moment guarding Vegeta, much to the older man's amusement.  Goten was alone.

Sometimes….there was a niggling seed in the back of Goten's mind.  Sometimes he wondered…would it ever get any better?  Would he ever have _anyone_ again?  

Goten desperately wanted to cry.  It was a gnawing, rending need his young heart just wasn't equipped to handle.  It had all come on too suddenly.  He hadn't cried since his mother's death, and he'd promised himself that he never would again.  Ever.  But he wanted to.  There was a churning ball in the back of his throat that fiercely pushed its way to the surface.  It _hurt._  All Goten wanted was for the pain to stop.  

Despite his best efforts, Gotan felt one warm tear slip down his cheek, and the first started a trickling flood as others followed, and he was left sobbing on the lakeshore as if his heart would break.  Goten wished hopelessly for someone's shoulder to cry on, but as his heartfelt sobs departed into the silence of the forest, no one answered his silent plea.

_____________________

Goten walked quietly into the house, his face dry and once again solemn.  After a long cry, which did nothing to abate the raw pain of his heart, Goten had taken a quick swim and returned home around twilight, just in time for dinner.

Goku sat laughing at the table, teasing his eldest son, "So, Gohan, you can tell me.  This Videl girl, you really like her, am I right?"

"Daaaaaaaad!" Gohan blushed a deep crimson, so involved in the little verbal match that he never even heard Goten greet him as he sat down at the table to await his supper.

Goten watched the teasing with sad, slightly distant eyes.  He used to be the one who teased Gohan.  Everything was different now.  Sighing, Goten placed his hands in his lap.  The burning feeling was back again, and it was taking every ounce of control in his seven-year-old body to keep from crying once more.  His brother's laughing face and his father's carefree smile were too much, however.  It reminded him of all that he'd lost.  All he'd never had in the first place.  Abruptly shoving back his chair, Goten fled the scene before he lost what little control he still had over himself.

Goku laughed as Goten whizzed by, and Gohan was startled, but not unduly concerned.  That was Goten for you.  Always going somewhere in a hurry.

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Outside on the cool moonlit grass, at a safe distance from the house, Goten looked up at the twinkling lights that were just then making an appearance in the darkening sky.  He steadied himself with heaving gasps, biting his lip to hold back the hot onslaught of tears, intent on keeping them imprisoned in his throat.  His eyes wandered upwards, and involuntarily, they locked on the first star of the night.  Biting down hard in indecision, Goten gave into the childish urge, and made a wish.

"_Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, wish I may, wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight…_" 

Thinking for a moment, Goten whispered, "I wish that Gohan would remember me, and that Daddy would like me."

Hesitating for a moment, Goten glanced back in the direction of the house, and then at the star once again.  It winked as if in response to his silent query.  Scrambling to his feet, Goten rubbed a fist quickly over his eyes, and started back home at a quick trot, eager to see if his wish had been granted.

__________________

Running through the door, Goten jerked to a halt.  The kitchen table was a pile of kindling, little toothpick-like splinters littering the floor.  Chi-Chi was waving her frying pan threateningly in Goku's direction as he and Gohan laughed, fondly remembering a similar incident in the days before the Cell games.  The last days they had spent together.

"Umm…hello?" No response.  The trio was too caught up in their respective activities to notice the hesitant face in the doorway.  Goten tried again.  "Mommy?  Daddy?  Big brother?"

As Chi-Chi began laying about with her frying pan, Goku and Gohan leapt laughingly out of the way.  The small child in the doorway turned and walked back into the night, the nagging ache returned to attack his heart once again.

Making his way down to the lake where he had earlier sat, Goten glared angrily up at the stars.  He couldn't believe he'd done such a stupid thing.  He was such a baby!  With all of the hoping and wishing he'd done lately, he should have better learned by _now_.  

Wishes never did come true.  

______________________

As he sat in somber quietude on the still shore of the lake, Goten reflected on the happy scene he had walked in on, and his breathing grew ragged, his lungs raw and aching with emotion.

He couldn't help but feel that they'd all be better off without him.  They didn't seem to want him, anyway.  Tugging angrily at the hair that looked so like his father's, Goten reflected, not for the first time, that he was just a copy.  

While Goku had been gone, the copy was fine; it reminded them of the person they _really_ missed.  But now that his father was back, he was a hinderance.  They didn't want him anymore.  They didn't need him.

Gohan and Chi-Chi had Goku back, and Trunks was busy with Vegeta.  Nobody wanted Goten.  They would have probably been better off if he had stayed dead.  

The thought that had been reoccurring to Goten, banging ceaselessly against his brain for the last two weeks flew once again to the fore.  What was it like to be dead?  He couldn't remember.  Sometimes he wished could remember.  Sometimes he wished he still was—dead, that is.

Maybe if he were dead, _then_ they'd feel sorry.  Trunks'd feel bad that he hadn't had any time for him, and he knew that his mom and brother would feel a little bad at least.  He didn't know _how_ his father'd feel.  

All Goten had wanted, _needed,_ was someone to talk to.  The death of his family, no, more, the death of his entire _world,_ had scarred the boy deeply.  What he wanted, however, was exactly what he had not gotten.  Unwittingly, events had conspired to make him feel alone and insecure.  A failure; he felt bad, miserable and unwanted.

Two weeks is a long time for a child, and with the emotional agony that Goten was experiencing, it was more than long enough to come to a decision about his own existence; an existence that caused him nothing but pain right now.  

Gazing into the fathomless blue of the lake, a sudden sense of peace came over Goten.  It always hurts less when you've come to a decision.  Especially an important one.  The pain in his heart dulled, and suddenly, the abandonment of his family didn't seem to hurt so bad.

He didn't remember dying the last time, but he did know that it hadn't hurt.  Just a bright flash, and then nothing.  He wondered if it would hurt this time.  Without even bothering to remove his clothes, Goten stood, and with an eerie child-like determination, he walked into the lake.  Floating for a moment, Goten let out his breath, and sank to the bottom.  It was only a matter of time before the pain went away.

________________

The fight finally settled, Goku sat on the floor next to the ruined remnants of the table, enjoying some quiet family time with his wife and eldest son.  As peaceful as it was, Goku found himself wishing that his youngest son hadn't taken off elsewhere.  He had barely gotten to know the boy, and still felt a little bit awkward around him, but that didn't mean he didn't _want _ to get to know him.

Gohan threw another card into the pile on the floor, and motioned to his father that it was his turn.  Goku considered his cards carefully, and was in the midst of choosing one to discard, when a sudden pang struck him from deep within.  

Something was wrong.  Without a moment's hesitation, Goku threw down the cards and took off out the door at a run.  He didn't know how he knew, he hadn't been around the child long enough to develop a bond with him--he didn't know why he had been granted this sudden knowledge--all he knew was that his son was in trouble.  Deep trouble.  Frantically, his heart tapping out a skittering jangle in his chest, Goku sought out the ki of his youngest son, Goten.

________________

Everything was quiet and peaceful now.  The first watery breath, mere moments before had hurt a bit, but the pain had faded, and a sort of foggy peacefulness now surrounded him.  Looking up through the fuzzy depths of the lake, Goten's thoughts echoed vaguely through his clouded, oxygen-starved brain.  In blurry, disorienting leaps, he saw a star sparkle brightly in the sky, falling to earth as its flame extinguished.  Jumping haphazardly from subject to subject, the faces of Trunks, his Dad, his family and friends, flashed before his eyes.  Would they be sad when he was gone, or just relieved?  It wouldn't be long now.  His mind was wild, growing foggy, and his eyes were already heavy, weighted down with tears.  

Goten waited patiently for the pain to disappear as he sank into the darkness.  Blackness enveloped him, and all vestiges of light disappeared, burying the child in the dank and murky shadows.  As Goten was carried away, pulled onward by the consoling fingers of fate, the nagging feeling refused to be soothed, even to the last.  As his eyes shut, and he drifted away, Goten's childish mind still whimpered in confusion.  He couldn't help but wonder why it still hurt.

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Goku was frantic.  He sensed a tiny ki, fading and almost completely gone as he reached the lake where Goten's body lay.

In a matter of moments, he had dove into the depths and returned with the limp remnant of his youngest son.  It was too late.  He was already gone…

Goku's mind was so choked with grief that he scarcely registered the voices around him.  Even Chi-Chi's panicked wails couldn't pull him out of his shock.  What had happened?  Goten was one of the strongest beings in the universe…how was it possible that he had fallen to a mere puddle of water?

Goku turned helplessly away, the inconsolable grief of a father who had never gotten to know his son, choking his throat.  The tiny body had been so quiet and helpless in his arms, reminding him of every lost hour, every breath that his son had taken without his father by his side.  And now, when he had finally returned, it was too late.  That small, sweet soul that he had just been getting to know was lost to him.

The terrible ache that burned in Goku's chest was shoved rudely aside, replaced with a wild leap of hope as he heard a choking gasp from behind him.  Whirling, he saw his eldest son drawing away from Goten, having given the younger boy mouth to mouth, frantic breaths forcing the water up and out of the child's lungs.

Goten drew another raspy breath as his family crowded expectantly around him, and large eyes innocently blinked out their confusion.  Giving a little sob, Goten curled up in a ball, facing away from his family, "I'm sorry…" he whispered brokenly, throat still raw from the water.  

Chi-Chi pushed Gohan and her dumbfounded husband aside, sliding to a halt on her knees next to Goten to gather the whimpering boy to her chest.  Cautiously, Goku approached, kneeling down beside his son and putting a gentle hand on his still soaked shoulder, feeling the tremors that wracked the small boy's body.  

Carefully prying Goten from Chi-Chi's desperate clutch, Goku stripped the sopping clothes off of the child and removed his own shirt, wrapping it around his son, before gathering him in close in his arms.  

Goten didn't bother to correct his father's assumption.  He wasn't shivering because he was cold, but because of how close he had come...in that short period of unconsciousness, Goten had floated somewhere between life and death, all of the memories of his first demise returned to him.  He remembered now.  It _had_ hurt.  Hurt more than he had imagined anything _could_ hurt, when Buu had incinerated him, Trunks, Gohan and Piccolo, along with the rest of the planet.

But more, in that foggy place of non-reality, he had somehow become privy to what the others felt.  The true feelings that lay in their chests, not the skewed interpretations that had haunted him these past weeks, and in light of them, he felt shame at his own despair.  

Goten had felt his father's hesitancy toward his new son; but he had also felt Goku's love, and his fierce pride in Goten's strength.  

He had felt his brother's determination to enjoy the time he had with his father and Gohan's fear that Goku might disappear again, forced to sacrifice himself once again for those he loved.  And another thing.  Gohan's love for Goten hadn't lessened in the least.  

Neither had his mother's; Goten wasn't some clone to her—some walking, talking reminder of her husband.  Chi-Chi would give her life for the happiness of either of her sons, and be sorry that it was all she had to give.

Snuggling into his father's chest, Goten shivered a little more, still shocky.  He had even felt Trunks' feelings.  His love for and awe of the stern and distant man that was his father.  Trunks' terrible sadness his at death, and his incredible fear that he would be left alone again, without even the abrasive affections that Vegeta afforded him.

Finally, Goten's pulse tamed its wild pounding, slowing to beat in time with the strong tattoo of his father's heart.  When darkness had claimed him as he approached that shadowy door, the pain had still been there, a slight ache in the back of his throat, ceaseless and implacable; but as they started back to the house, Goten's family fussing worriedly over him, it the ache abated, and faded away altogether.  

Goten's cheeks burned as he thought of what he had nearly done.  His desire to make the family that now fussed over him feel his hurt, his desire to make them regret the pain they had caused him, now seemed something low and shameful.  

Goten was still confused, there was no denying it.  The pain and terror of his recent death, and the loss of his loved ones still burned in Goten's mind, but now he knew he had someone to help him through it.  

And though there was still awkwardness, hesitancy, and fear, he knew that he could make it now.  Thinking back, Goten remembered the twinkle of the star just before he had lost consciousness in the cold water at the bottom of the pond.  

Maybe he'd been wrong.  Maybe all wishes _were_ answered.  Just not always in the way you expected them to be.

*** R&R Please!***


	2. Important Note

Author's Note:  Ok, I got a comment that someone didn't think a child _could _feel suicidal.  Moreover he said that he was insulted because Goten's his favorite character.  Now he said it in a nice way, so I'm not all pissy or anything, I really wanted to email him, but he didn't have an email up, so I'll include it here for everyone who thinks the same thing.  

First, it _wasn't_ just the loneliness, I thought I made that pretty clear.  Second, trust me, an 8 year old _can_ feel suicidal.  Not only do I know this from personal experience, but the statistics on child suicide are pretty clear: children attempt and commit suicide all the time.  Third, Goten is one of my favorite characters too!  So is Gohan, why do you think I write about him so much?  I think Goten's character is not explored _nearly _enough, and it has the potential to be as complex as Gohan's.  There are plenty of fics out there about a suicidal Chibi Trunks, but I had to ask myself, what would push _Goten_ who's so innocent and bright to the edge of despair?  

I think I found that in the Buu Saga.  Sure, Gohan had to face the same things at Goten's age, but not alone, with the world resting on him.  He didn't have to watch every single person he cared about be killed, before being killed himself.  Goten's loneliness isn't the _point_ of the story—it just gave everything time to brew, allowing him no help or comfort, making him struggle with it on his own.  Trust me, I love Goten.  That's why I wrote this—I'm tired of seeing him portrayed as a nothing, even though I've portrayed him that way myself a few times.  I think he's deeper than that.

Thanks for listening to my little rant all!

Frozenflower


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